From the middle of Nowhere

Utopia this is not.

Sir Thomas More created a word to describe the perfect place and did such a good job of developing the ideal society that even to this day it is a mainstay in modern language. Utopia- Outopia derived from the Greek 'ou' for "no" and '-topos' for "place," a fictional, this means unrealistic or directly translated "Nothing, no matter what" This is the other half from Eutopia, and the two together combine to Utopia..

But after seeing what an international airport looks like on the eve of New Year's Eve (December 30), I am amazed and appalled by how capitalism, greed and the the love of self always prevails in any place where two or more are gathered, especially when there is something to be gained.

I am sure all reading are familiar with holiday airfare spikes and the torment of traveling at any time between Thanksgiving and New Year's Day. Add to that the idiocracy known as Homeland Security, the sludge known as airport food and the rape known as airport goods and services and it just makes you mad.


I have been at the airport for 3 hours waiting for a plane to show up. During that time I went through three security checkpoints, immigration, an overpriced salad (from Pizza Hut of all places), and have contemplated purchasing the most niche market product ever-- a neck pillow. This is a product that is meant to deceive you into thinking that sleeping while upright is not only common enough to warrant accessories but also something you would be a fool to not have prepared for. "Oh no, I forgot my neck pillow! Now, how will I facilitate a completely uncomfortable sleeping posture that will leave me physically and mentally with a crick in my person?"



The sad part is that everyone around me paid top dollar to have this experience. Holiday airfare averages a $20-$80 increase each year and yet, with everyone and their mama losing their shirt by way of Bushenomics, there will be no food, drink, pillow, blanket, socks, warm towelette, or any other such accommodation on this trip. Everyone here is tied, hungry, and cold (airports are notorious for the excessive AC). No air traveler has planned to be in the airport longer than two hours and therefore has nowhere to turn, but to overpriced mutations of high fructose corn syrup and stuffed neck braces, neither of which they would willingly purchase in any other scenario.



Now the part that irks me to the core is that if the roles were reversed and I owned the airline and I kept losing money year after year and for some reason I could not stop the bleeding no matter how hard I tried, I cannot be certain that I would not skimp on the peanuts even for my most deserving customers. I mean, yeah, that would be the humanitarian thing to do- offer food and warmth or a voucher to people for whom I have obviously failed to deliver paid services but if that means I hemorrhage to death, was it worth the sacrifice? Or better still, if I really have tried my best and still fail to meet my customers' needs, do I not deserve to bleed out?

Whether you are a holiday traveler, American automaker, Wall Street banker or a world leader with the worst popularity rankings in history, one thing is constant: in every scenario there are winners and losers, the exploitive and the exploited. That is why in 2009, I have decided to file for citizenship and move to Utopia, where everyone helps their neighbor, no one has to cheat to survive and band aids are never solutions because no one would let their fellow man be cut so deep.


Goodbye 2008 and your selfish cutthroat ways. Hello 2009 and may it look like nothing and nowhere any of us have seen before.